So i click on the controller on the camera screen but don't see cinematic mode anywhere there, also when i hook up my phone through the controller area it always says "Disconnect" I have to use my iphone cord in the USB area to see my camera screen for some reason it refuses to connect when i connect it through camera and controller

You need to connect your phone to the RC either by the side port or the usb port on the bottom of the RC. If you are using the bottom usb port then make sure there is no cable connected to the side port.
To see the camera and other settings, you need to have the RC, Mavic and your phone all turned on and the DJI GO 4 app running.
You need to have enabled Multiple Flight Modes in the settings at some point, even if you later turn it off. This will give you the ability to see the advanced flight modes which you can access from the screen of your phone in the DJI GO 4 app. There are 3 icons on the left hand side and the bottom one is for the advanced flight modes. In there you will find Cinematic mode.

Is there a video of how to do this I was looking to enable Multiple flight modes but don't know where to look for that , do i have to click the "..." where exactly do i find this feature?

I had to use the bottom USB on the RC for it to work the side plug for the phone doesn't seem to work so i have no choice but to use the bottom RC USB - just makes it weird  with no where for the phone to be held lol